My story

My story starts with and continues to have a lot of pain. As a child, I was as eccentric and intense as I am today. A funny antidote from my time in preschool was when I came up to the teacher very upset and called another girl my nemesis. I was ostracized and ridiculed by my peers in grades k-12.

A particularly painful memory of note, In fourth grade. The boys would play a game saying I had the cheese touch like the story about the boy in the diary of the wimpy kid. If you're unfamiliar, the cheese touch was a marker of shame. They would play until I got stuck with it. Only, when I tried to give it back they’d tattle to the teacher. When I tried to explain: no you don’t get it, they like the game, they started the game. They chose that as their window of time to complain. But when I tried to explain I did not like the game. The teacher would say:  why were you participating in it then? So, I was stuck in a game that I didn't really get to play. Rather I was being played with and teased, and any time I ever tried to assert control over myself I was chastised by the teacher. 

I struggled to obtain and maintain friendship. I was overwhelmed by the never ending rotation of deadlines while school was in session. I tried to motivate myself yet remained unmotivated by tasks like completing a  fractions worksheet. I frequently daydreamed of a life of fantasy. However, I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was an adult. It is still to this day incredibly hard to convince education professionals with budget sheets that someone can be intelligent, and have a diagnosed disability. 

When I was 15 I was sexually abused by an extended family member. While I finished getting my high school diploma I also met with a lawyer regularly and recited how his anatomy interacted with mine in front of a jury. “Another statistic of a little girl caught under a manipulative man's thumb” is a phrase from a poem I wrote back in high school. The world moves on rather quickly. Yet, trauma has a way of sticking with your mind and body, and keeping you stuck even while the earth moves on its axis. 

Not aforementioned are the times I thought and even acted on taking my own life. Mental illness is real and ever present in the world. If you or someone you know is struggling there is the 988 crisis text line available 24/7. 

My therapist told me: it's an act of resiliency finding the beauty in everything. I still believe in the good at large which makes me an easy target for those with bad intent. However, I am empowered by creativity balancing pain and beauty in my art and within my heart. Art offers us all meaning, and should not be taken for granted. The act of creating brings me to life, and will always be my greater calling. Here are the ways you can support me as an artist: follow me on social media @breathofagoddess on all platforms. Share my work and tag me! Commission me to create something beautiful for you or a loved one. 

Click below to fill out a commission form